By Lynsey Calderwood
In 1992, Lynsey Calderwood fell from a chair and banged her head. In a flash, she lost all memory of her short fourteen-year life. Eleven years later, she published this clever, funny, insightful, sometimes cruel, sometimes profane memoir of her struggles to create a new self-image. This was difficult as the "new Lynsey" was constantly bumping up against the expectations of her family and friends to be the "old Lynsey."
For months, Calderwood's strange new behavior was a mystery to her and her family. No one realized that her life changed so dramatically when she fell from that chair. At one time or another, she was labeled a "hypochondriac, a liar, a junkie." She even spent time on a hospital mental health ward.
By chance, nine months after her injury, Calderwood was seen by a therapist who ran a support group for people living with a brain injury. Finally, Calderwood's symptoms made sense.
When she returned to school, Calderwood realized the severity of her memory loss and her impaired ability to learn new material. She also struggled socially, constantly fearful of the hostility she sometimes encountered.
"I wanted people to accept that I had a head injury. I also wanted to distinguish myself from their vague speculations about the stereotypical brain injury sufferer."
Years after her injury, Calderwood was still struggling mightily. She was "neck deep in various eating disorders, having frequent panic attacks, and could hardly hold a conversation." Changing schools, to give her a fresh start with new teachers and new classmates, provided only temporary relief.
Things began to improve when Calderwood learned to use stress management and relaxation techniques. But more importantly, Calderwood finally found a purpose in life. She discovered that she wanted to be a writer, a poet, and an actor, just like the "old Lynsey." Learning was still a considerable challenge for her, but now she was motivated by a passion. Her confidence and enthusiasm for life began to grow.
As we reach the end of Cracked, we find Calderwood busy, “holed up in her bedroom writing poetry and setting goals and limits for herself." By her own account, she still finds it difficult to relax and she "rarely finishes the tasks she begins." She did, however, finish Cracked, and we’re glad she did. The story of her passage from a 14-year-old with a new, but impaired, lease on life to that of a 25-year-old published author is well worth reading.